Your face is a jimmy john
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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