Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
