he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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