You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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