you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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