shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
