she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
