Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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