i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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