meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
