I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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