He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
