i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
