i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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