I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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