It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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