i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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