Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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