Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
