Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
