Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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