Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
