I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
