They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
