1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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