this boner is exhausting
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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