I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
