Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
