So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
