the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
