How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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