So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This toilet bowl is my home.
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