If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
