I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
