**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
