I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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