Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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