is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
