god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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