I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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