Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
