Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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