so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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