At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
