She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Randomize
