At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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