actually, I'm a sock model
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
