dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize