you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize