Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
