Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize