so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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