It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
