the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
