is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
