I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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