got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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