i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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