take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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