You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
