k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
