Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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