And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
