you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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