i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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