So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
