can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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