Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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