I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
