apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
