I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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