He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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